The Alzheimer's Duplex: A Personal Post for Close Friends and Family Members

The short version of the situation is my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in January of 2019, and this is when I started talking to my dad about how we will need to sell mom’s NOLA duplex to pay for her care. He ignored me and this issue nearly the whole time, and now that I have a buyer, a realtor, a title lawyer and did the inspection and appraisal, he is still fighting it and I might need help with this because being my mom’s caregiver and fighting with my dad is harder than anything I could imagine. The duplex was awarded to Tamara clearly in the divorce decree, but Alvin is doing everything in his power to make my life miserable and to force me and my sisters to care for our mother without the asset she was awarded in the divorce. I’ve been paying for my mom’s care with my credit cards because she is in a place she likes, and so any help you can provide will be to avoid needing to move her while we address the barriers Alvin is attempting to erect to stop the sale. 

I am offering up more information here if you are interested getting some of the details that got us in this mess. On one hand, I'm hoping to keep this between family members and close friends, and on another hand, I'm feel like I've been keeping the biggest challenge of my life a secret for far to long, so it's a relief to share this here. If you are busy or you are fine with the above sketch you can jump ahead to the last paragraph. For those who want the whole picture, I've tried to paint it below.

My mom and her sister bought it and lived in the duplex's different units when my mom met my dad. My parents dragged out the divorce for over 4 years and once it was finalized the duplex was mom’s and my dad had all of his property. When hurricane Katrina hit, in 2005, I was in the process of moving into the duplex to get it ready to receive tenants. After the flood, half of it was flooded and this is where nearly all my belong were. Eventually my dad learned about the Road Home program for landlords and offered to help with rebuilding the duplex if my mom would share the rent with him 50/50. This was a verbal agreement, and my mom only requested that she get regular payments. Road Home gave him over a hundred thousands to rebuild the half of the duplex. He added a bathroom and made other improvements before getting tenants.

Starting around 2010, my dad would have HANO (the Housing Authority of New Orleans) deposit the rent into my mom’s checking account and my mom agreed to only keep $470 in her account and to transfer the rest to my dad. I moved to Victoria TX in 2017, and noticed my mom had trouble keeping her meds straight so I would drive to Houston to help with doctor’s appointments and to refill her meds. Once she was diagnosed and she eventually moved in with me and started having trouble with remembering her password to do the bank transfers. Once I took over doing this I realized that HANO was paying my dad more than what was being deposited. He was getting about 3k for the two rentals and letting my mom keep only $470. This was no where near 50% even when you take in taxes and maintenance. It was 15%. I was in shock when I first realized this. Who would try to act like 15% was anywhere near 50%? I felt betrayed, furious, confused and a bunch of other things. I eventually tried to talk about this with my dad but he would refuse to talk about it and would return the letters I would send unopened. I mentioned the drama to a friend from Spelman who happens to be a lawyer. She said that the divorce decree was the law and it's all I needed to move forward without him. At the end of 2022, I got married and hoped for the best as my mom moved from living with me to living with Hope and her family. 

Fast forward to Summer of 2023, my mom was unhappy with living in the Dallas / Fort Worth area and she wanted to move back to the Houston/ Sugarland area. She wanted a place that would allow her to play pool and would keep her engaged and active. We found a good place for her and started to search for realtors who can help with selling the duplex. It’s about $4600 a month. She gets $2000 from social security. Once her savings ran out, I started using my credit cards since the duplex sale seemed like it was going to go through. 

It was about August 2023 when my dad wrote me and my sisters saying that he is ready to sell the duplex, which was an unexpected change. Once I talked to him I realized, of course, he was going to want to be in control of the sale and to take all of it for himself. In November I found a realtor and a buyer who were interested because it was a property that has been in the family for a while. Once I told my dad about it he told me he had changed his mind about selling it and he refused to talk about the sale. He refused to pick up the phone even. I had to push forward on my own. That’s what I have been doing, but I don’t know about continuing this alone. He put a bogus lien on the duplex signing his name in all the places on the form. He put a stop payment on the property taxes on the duplex. He threatened to put a lien on my house for the worth of the duplex. I think he broke in a removed the stove and fridge. He might attempt to sue me or the title company too. Today there were people sitting in a truck outside when I came home like they were waiting for me. I didn’t answer the door. I think they are trying to serve me legal papers from my dad’s attempt to ruin my attempts to make sure my mother can be taken care of.  

I have an autoimmune condition, narcolepsy, and other health issues that are sensitive to stress. This has been the most stressful thing I have ever done. My mom repeats the same stories like they are new each time I see her. She introduced me to the woman across her hall when I came to visit last Saturday, and introduced me again to the same women an hour later when I left. Before and after having an ultrasound of her liver, she asked maybe five  or six times why she needed the scan. I enjoy playing pool with her each weekend when I visit, if she feels up to it. She offers up tips that help so much that I actually won a game one time. I just want to do right by her. When I last took her to a doctor's appointments it reminded me of how she took me to a number of doctor's appointments that eventually meant I was diagnosed with narcolepsy as a teen.

Currently we are hoping to close by May 30th, but this might drag out longer and I need to see if there are close friends or family members who can help. The house sale is likely going to bring in money to pay back any help anyone can offer. I just need to know I’m not alone in fighting to take care of my mother.